The ghost of you

I have been listening to my chemical romance a lot lately. i really don't know what to write about because nothings happened besides me watching movies and listening to music. for 2 days thats all i've done such excitement. i feel alone so much lately its scary i'm starting to feel like i used to before november. but theres something i do to make me feel better and it might sound like it wouldn't help but its the only thing that keeps me from screaming my head off. i do what i always do when i feel bad and it always helps. i never had this before november so i'm still curious how i made it through the night every night. i hope i will never lose what helps me because if i did i couldn't imagine living anymore there would be nothing for me. my friends are all leaving to do their own thing for a while and i'm here. but i still have the most important thing in my life and the knowledge my friends will return. without friends you have nothing. but i still feel alone a lot of the time but its because i am alone all the time i have nothing to do i'm just locked in my room laying on the floor trying to keep my sanity of what i've lost many years ago. come to think of it i used to be completly insane not giving a flying fuck about anything or anybody i would live for myself and nobody else and everybody could die for all i cared. but actually i wanted to die i really did i wanted a release from the lonleyness that consumed my brain. but i was too afraid to do it myself thats why i used to never care if i died now i understand. i wanted to be set free i wanted peace in my life from all the thoughts running around telling me how much of a worthless piece of shit i was. then she came.. the one to set me free but not in the way i imagined.. she set my heart free to think for me and lock away all the thoughts that burned my sanity. i developed a sense of sanity again.. i care now about my life but for her and our futures together that we promised to have. she is all i think about i cry out her name in my sleep when i feel hopeless and she gives me hope a hope for life. i still couldn't give a fuck what people think about me. she is the one i think about when i feel alone just thinking about her brings a smile to my face. i love her so deeply and completly. i will do anything and everything for her untill the day i die in her arms. the past of my mind has been almost completly erased thanks to her all i think about now is the future with her and the people who invelop our lives like our friends. (especially ashley, you know you are fucking awesome cuz, i love you! thanks for everything.) laters