I forgot this existed, Like the world forgot me

I haven't wanted to post in forever, nobody cares to look. I'm invisible to most, problem to others. Nothing I've ever done has mattered. I may be married but in some ways I'm more alone than ever. I want to die so badly but I know I will just fuck it up. I tried once and failed because I stupidly wanted to say goodbye. Hell if I didn't say goodbye I would have still lived. I didn't do enough to die just enough to get into the hospital. I didn't want to survive I didn't want people to know but I just had to get drunk and say goodbye to people and burden them with the obligation to save me which made me feel worse. Next time I try I won't tell anyone but who am I kidding I fill fail at dying like I fail at everything else I  try to do. I can't tell this to anyone because they will just try to tell me not to.. that they're there for me... who are tthey kidding? There is nobody here and there never is. I don't know anymore. I'll wake up tomorrow and pretend I'm fine like always while knowing I am a burden to my wife. At least everyone else forgets I exist but her I put through hell just by existing, I wish for death sso she could move on with her life, She would find someone so much better than me and be able to do everything she wants to do. I feel like a ghost but worse I feel like a burden maybe if I'm gone she will be ok while the world continues without anyone noticing. Would anyone seriously notice I'm gone? I highly doubt it.