wow

why am I such a baby? I feel lately like I can't stand up for myself let alone anyone else. I feel like I can talk shit when they're not in front of me but when they're there I can't do shit cause I'm afraid. I hate this I hate myself. I've taken shit from people for so long that now I feel like I can't do any goddamn thing right. I feel like the biggest puss in the world. I can't even look a kid in the eyes without feeling bad. My grandfather kicks me around all the time and I take it so much its killing me. I'm scared to stand up to him and he is 74. What happened to me? I used to never take shit from people. But wait did I really? Did I get in as many fights as I believe I did? Maybe I made that shit up on my own to sound cool. Maybe I just sat there while my friends fought and imagined being there and imagined fighting. I think I need someone to just come and beat the living shit out of me and leave me in a pool of my own blood to feel good. I am such a motherfucking baby that I can't stand myself. I take and take and take and take untill I explode.